11:45

I should go to sleep…

I have school tomorrow and all the work that goes with it….

Yet I dream…

These aren’t the weird during your sleep dreams–I have plenty of those(last night I got kicked out of Pipeline). These dreams are uncertain, and pound through your mind during your waking–and what should be sleeping–hours, full of hopes that could become reality. The dreams of what I could create dance through my head like mystical and elusive sugar plum fairies; but unlike Christmas which has an appointment in my calender the fruition of my dreams do not. I could work so hard and push myself to new limits to MAKE them come true-but what would be the point? Without Jesus none of it matters. I hold so many things dear to my heart and so often he has to remind me that they aren’t really mine. I want only to proceed with his guiding hand, but it is so easy to begin to guide. I pray that God will calm my spirit and teach me the lesson of trust. It is a lesson I have long forgotten.

So many dreams, so many nights, that may never come true…

This is what 11:45 is to me…

The agony…