I have had these shoes for eight years now. Longer then I have been married, longer then most of my current friendships. These shoes have been through a lot with me. To me these shoes represent a lot of things; they were a present from my Oma, they were bold and out there; I was always complimented when i wore them; and I was always afraid to wear them.
To illustrate this point, I want to share with you a journal entry from July 2002 when I my Oma first bought them for me.
The New Red Shoes
The situation: My Oma bought me a pair of red tennis shoes I absolutely love!
The dilemma: I hate my feet and do anything to not draw attention them; the bright red draws alot of attention.
The issue: Do I let my insecurities over the size of my feet stop me from wearing my new red shoes?
Thoughts and Ideas:
If I let my insecurities prevail over my feet where will it stop? And do my insecurities over my large feet displease God? In a way I am telling Him, “You made me wrong! My feet are too big!” And in that case I need to remember Isiah 30:16 “Does the jar ever say, ‘The potter is stupid.’” (NLT) I wonder how often I let my insecurities get the better of me and keep me from doing the things I love to do because I am afraid.
I wish that the next part of this post would be me laughing at how silly was and an assurance that I had past my 17 year old dilemma.
I wish.
The truth is, I may have overcome most of my feet issues, but they are quickly replaced with other ones, like say the fact the slowing of my metabolism is starting to show itself in such interesting ways. My fear of wearing things that I love may have been swept away, only to reveal a deeper fear of pursuing what I love. Now I am digging deep to not only tie up a pair of tennis shoes, but to show people who I really am.
The journey is long, and unfortunately, these shoes are all but worn out. So as I get ready to say good bye, I try to remember the lessons that they taught me, to hold onto the bold young girl who was brave enough to face her big feet.
Now can I be bold enough to face my big fears?
Continuing the adventure,
Jessica Boctor
www.phantomblonde.com
www.thegiftedchronicles.ning.com
www.marchenstudios.com
www.thegiftedchronicles.ning.com
www.marchenstudios.com
Jess Boctor 
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