Wild Tomatoes

Let me rephrase that, I had to hack the vine back into submission under the threat that it might take over my whole yard. The vine had grown out of the support I had set for it and was engulfing it neighbor sage and spilling out onto the patio. As the long vine branches stretched out they hide the branches underneath from the sun and killed them. So much energy was spent on continually expanding that it could no longer support the original structure, so while on the outside the vine appeared to be thriving, it was filled with a dead center. Fruit was being grown in so many directions, that it was wasted. It rotted on the vine, bugs were gnawing at, or, as I finally started to cut away the overgrowth the fruit was simply thrown away still green and incomplete.

As I was cutting the branches away, it really began to make me think about my own life. It made me think of the times when I spent so much energy trying to do everything, to be anything I thought someone might have needed me to be. I would stretch and push myself so much that I didn’t have the energy necessary to keep it going. I’ve been dead inside, producing fruit that goes uncared for, unfinished and rots. The worst part is, I set myself up for the pruning that God always brings. The painful hacking away of things that distract and make me lose focus. I’ve gone through this cycle so many times, that you would think I had learned my lesson.

But as I look at my life; at my spiritual, physical and metal health, I realize that it just isn’t true. If you could see through the branches and look at my roots you would realize that I am more unfocused, more dead inside, and more desperate than I have ever felt. On the outside, there are green leaves and fruit, but it is all just a cover up. 

The good news is that this time, I have realized the mistake myself. I have the shears in my hand and I don’t have to wait for God to change my life’s circumstances, for relationships to break, or for another mental breakdown before I start cutting away the unnecessary. I can start now. I can start today.

Continuing the adventure, 

Jess