Ever since Paul and I decided to go to Germany I have been waiting for a sign of confirmation. A halo of light or snippet of verse written on my wall, maybe a church leader’s vision or a gypsy lady knocking on my door to tell me the future; these would all serve well as grand signs that Paul and I are going in the right direction.
Alas, my walls are still bare and my palm unread.
Yet we move forward.
So last night, after trying to practice ruthlessness in parring down my mementos and belongings (How many scraps of paper with Oma’s handwriting do I really need anyways?) I laid in bed and whined to God. I cried about the difficulty of living in two spaces, I lamented the difficulty of having to get rid of so much and demanded to know why I hadn’t been giving a TRULY clear sign.
In the darkness of my bedroom, God whispered to me. He asked me why the calling of His voice wasn’t sign enough.
As I have been thinking over His whispers today I realize the sign I wanted wasn’t for His glory, it was for my security. I wanted a tanigable moment in time to look at and point other’s too when doubt attacks. I wanted something to prove to them I wasn’t a fool building a boat.
“27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him.”
1st Corinthians 1:27-30
So I will continue to trust the whispers, and if I am a fool, well, there’s my sign.
Jess Boctor 
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