Jubilee is Coming.

This picture is a great visual portrayal of how I often view my relationship with God. I sit in His light. I feel the warmth of His presence. I keep my face covered from Him.

If hiding my face from Him came from a recognition of His glory or from a heart of humility, it would be a healthy perspective. However, the truth is I often hide my face out of shear disappointment. Not disappointment with God but with myself. I do not have the shy posture of someone who realizes they are in the presence of someone greater than themselves. It is the shameful posture of someone who isn’t ready to look up yet.

Part of this comes from own obsession with my ‘failures.’ The long laundry list of falling on my face. When I look back over my journey through life, I see a road covered in the wreckage of ‘oops,’ ‘drat,’ and ‘what the hell’. Most people would look at the same things and see forces outside of my control, circumstances of life, and a process of refinement. The problem is since I keep my eyes down, it is hard for me to see things in the same light.

So about a month ago God stepped in.

He was once again reavealing a stronghold in my life. I was feeling particularly frustrated. To me, this seemed like just another place where I was a failure. Another place where I didn’t match up to what I should be. Another wreck on the road. I was whining to God about how lame I felt and He answered.

He asked me to change my perspective from the places where I failed to the places where I have grown. He revealed to me the necessity of the  process which I have been through. He reminded that it was all helping me to be the person He created me to be. He showed me how through this journey He has been knocking off the rough parts of me, like my depression, and teaching me how to live in a healthy way. He has been removing burdens by revealing what my gifts are and what things are not mine to do. He has uprooted desires from my heart which do not honor Him. Now, He is questioning my motivations and asking me whose kingdom I really want to build–mine or His.

He gave me this concept in a picture of an archers target. Each of these areas are a different ring. My depression is the furthest out. My motivations are the center. He showed me how over the years I have been getting closer and closer to the mark. Each year my aim is getting better.

Here is the most encouraging part. After looking at each of these circles, He asked me to look at the timeline of this process. He asked me to consider when the refinement really began and how much time has past. The first steps of healing began in 2007 when I was at my lowest point. It was then I had to decide if I would follow God no matter where He led. I said yes. Today, I am nearing the completion of my sixth year in this journey.

In the Hebrew tradition, every 7th year is to be a year of jubilee. It is to be a year of rest and celebration. I don’t know what this is going to look like for me, but, I am happy to say with confidence, my jubilee is coming.

Continuing the adventure,

Jess