Jess Boctor

Author: Jess Boctor

  • Rejoicing in Suffering

    I attended service at Mosaic Church in Hollywood on Sunday.

    The pastor, Erwin McManus, was preaching on the idea of being ‘All In’ for God. His premise was that God is already all in for you and requires nothing less than we be all in for Him. It is not a choice or an option as a Christain, it is what we are called to.

    McManus referenced Acts during his talk, and there was one verse which stuck out to me. It is was given in the context of the Temple leaders having imprisioned, released, and then flogged the apostles for preaching in the name of Jesus. The verse which hit home is Acts 5:41:

    “The apostles left the high council rejoicing that God had counted them worthy to suffer disgrace for the name of Jesus.”

    I have a habit of writing questions to myself in my journals. Things which I know I need to ponder and consider later on. That night I wrote to myself, “When was the last time I rejoiced in suffering for Jesus?”

    When was the last time I rejoiced that God counted me worthy to move to another country? When was the last time I rejoiced that He knew financial stress wouldn’t break me? When was the last time I rejoiced that by declaring myself a Christain I am often thought of as narrow minded, foolish, and uninteligent? When was the last time I was glad for the rebuff I have received for living a life grounded in the Bible?

    As I talked some of these thoughts over with my dad the next morning, it was clear rejoicing was not the term I would use when thinking on these things. However, I am going to make it my goal. Not the fake “everything is okay though the world is falling to pieces” type of rejoicing. Not a plastic smile type. I want the real type. The type of joy which settles in your bones and bubbles out slowly. I want the type of rejoicing which is quiet, undeclared and always present. I want the type which makes me assured God knows what is happening sucks and it hurts me. I also want Him to know I think He is worth it.

    Continuing the adventure,

    Jess

  • New Adventure: Learning to Code @CodeAcademy

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    I love languages, the process of creation, and paying my bills.

    Up until recently, I believe these three things were constantly fighting each other. Actually, I believed that languages and creation were teaming up against paying my bills. Artistry is the higher calling right? I mean, who really needs to eat.

    However, I was recently faced with the reality that I need to eat, as do Paul and our dog, Sabine. So I polished up my resume and started sending it out. To no avail. Here is the dilemia I’m facing: the positions which I previously held are in fields I don’t have a particular interest in returning to. The fields I am interested in getting into, I don’t have any experience in. In this economy, companies aren’t as open to the line “I’m a fast learner”. 

    So I was dismisally searching through job listing after job listing. All of the ventures and companies which I was were interested in, weren’t necessarily interested in me. The were interested in UI Desginers, Ruby Gurus, and Hackers. So I did some research, it turns out that being a programmer is a way to use language, create, and (holy moly) pay your bills!

    Thus began a new adventure–learning to code.

    I have started with a website called CodeAcademy. Their lessons are simple and give you direct feedback to what you are working on. I finished the first third of their JavaScript track in six days. I’ve found that while there is nothing more frustrating than a misplaced semicolon, there is also nothing cooler than when your code works and works well. If you’re interested in learning code at all, I recommend you check out their site.

    Continuing the adventure,

    Jess

  • Dear 15 Year Old Me

    I was recently asked what I wish I knew when I was you.

    Oh, the many ways which I could reply. Stay away from fake tanner. Show up to school on time. Get rid of you cat. Be more fearless.

    However, the one essential thing which I wish I had known was this: do less and do it well.

    See, the awesome-on-paper well rounded super teen which you are trying to be is only an illusion. She doesn’t exist. Who does exist is a stressed out monster who doesn’t really know what she wants from life yet. Instead of trying to achieve GPA greatness and a list of extracurricular activities long enough to overflow a college application, you need to spend more time figuring out who God made you to be.

    Believe me, it’s not an attorney, ivy league graduate or power house business suit type. It has nothing to do with your AP scores. The medal you’re about to pay for with hours upon hours of your life and countless tears eventually ends up in a shoe box in storage. Is it really worth it?

    Paul, that guy you’re about to start dating, has been teaching me about not living with regrets. So I don’t regret the journey I went through. I am glad I had the friendships I did. I’m glad I have that medal in a shoe box.

    But…

    I wonder how awesome I would have been if at 15 I had started to dig out the gifts God gave me, instead of 28. I wonder if there weren’t opportunities I missed because I was so busy “preparing for life” that I missed living it. I wonder what life would look like if I had focused on doing less but doing it to the best of my ability.

    So, no regrets, just a strange curiosity and hope that some other 15 year old will think twice when they read this.

    Continuing the adventure,

    Jess

  • That Untouchable Thing

    We all have it.

    The one thing we know we want but do not seem to be able to quite wrap our fingers around. The nameless longing inside of us. The deep seated desire to be excellent, to reflect a beautiful light like a diamond. The one thing which we know, in some inexplicable way, if just given the chance, we would shine.

    It is a beautiful and terrifying thing.

    It is also a thing which, when we are honest with ourselves, is not ready yet. We aren’t ready to show the world. We are afraid that, if we were given the opportunity, we would simple tumble and fall. No shining. No winning. Just a tumble.

    It is so tempting to give up.

    It is so tempting to simply say, “It will never be good enough.” So we lie to ourselves and say we never really wanted to do x, y, or z. The untouchable thing was just a fools dream.

    Well, most of you already know, I am a fool.

    So this is my hope for 2013, that I don’t give up. I won’t make resolutions, or timelines, or charts (though it is really rempting to do so). I will continue to prepare. I will unearth the diamond. I want to give shape and form to the untouchable thing so that when my chance does come, it will shine.

    I wish you all the luck in pursuing your untouchable things.

    Continuing the adventure,

    Jess

  • If Your Birthday is in December…

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    You have more than likely experiened a few of these things.

    1. The Combo Gift

    This one is a bit of a tragedy. It is the “Here’s your Christmas/Birthday gift which took the same amount of time and effort as if I only bought you a Christmas present” present. My parents were pretty good about not doing this one. Although, there was one Christmas morning when I was hunting under the Christmas tree for a set of legos which had been there a week before (every kid knows what wrapped up legos sound like). They showed up the next day for my birthday. I’ll admit my seven year old self felt slightly robbed.

    My older brother gets points for the most creative use of a combo gift. He bought me a pair of tennis shoes which I wanted. I received the left one for Christmas and the right one for my birthday. At least I got to open two packages.

    2. Christmas Wrapped Birthday Gifts

    This one is not such a big deal, but definitely makes my heart a little sad each year. I mean, if you showed up to a birthday in April with a gift wrapped in penguins, fat men in red suits, or little triangle shaped trees, it would be weird right? For some reason though, if you have a birthday near the holidays, this is completely acceptable.

    3. Year-Round Reminders Of The Tragedy Of The Day Which You Were Born

    This most often happens whenever I have to give a stranger my drivers licence (usually to purchase alcohol). They see my birthdate and immediately say, “Day after Christmas? That must SUCK!” Or they tell me about some other unfortunate soul they know who always got jipped on their birthday because of its proximity to the holidays.

    Funny enough, it was usually my grandmother who, year after year, liked to comment on the sad nature of my birthday. The annual tradition usually sounded something like this, “You know, you never get much because we all just spent so much on Christmas.” Thanks.

    But there are some benefits to being a Christmas baby.

    1. Flexible Birthday Plans

    Since school was always out on my birthday and most of my friends were away with family, there was a lot of flexibility in when I had an actual party. This usually led to a double party. The first with family on the day of and the second at a later date of my choosing. Pool party in July? No problem. Fairy tale party in November? Why not? I would venture to guess that for every birthday party my brothers had, I had one and a half parties.

    2. The Anthropolgie Birthday Discount

    I love Anthropologie. As an Anthro card holder, they send me a 15% off card every year for my birthday. They also let me have this discount on top of whatever sales happen to be on at the time. Yay for end of year clearence.

    All of this December birthday analysis happened because of a particularly hilarious episode of “Happy Endings”. In which, Jane begrudgingly admits that she is a Christmas Baby and has been lying about her birthday her entire life. Go. Watch. Peek into my world.

    Continuing the adventure (soon a year older),

    Jess

  • The Art of Not Asking

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    I blundered in and found him with tears in his eyes. When I asked what was up, he said he was having a cry. I asked if he wanted to talk about it, he said no. As he stood leaning against the kitchen counter, his pain became my pain.

    I desperately wanted to know why we were both hurting.

    Since he could not share, I gave him a hug and prayed to God, “You are the God of unspoken things. Whatever this is, I pray for your healing and power over it. Amen.”

    We stayed there for a few moments, just holding onto one another and our God who is bigger than all this.

    After, I did my best to stay present in the moment. I had a cafe date to get to, but I knew this was more important than being a few minutes late. He talked in broad terms about the source of his pain. I asked questions which I thought would help him process. I pushed back the thousand scenarios running through my mind of what could have happened. I didn’t ask for details.

    It was hard.

    I wanted to know. I wanted to be on his side. I wanted to rant and rave. I wanted to give advice and help him figure things out. I wanted to be on the inside scope.

    The reason I resisted is because of something which Matt Brown said many years ago and has stuck with me on my journey through life.

    It was this: God has the power to know and not to know.

    Think of the implications! If God can know every single thing about us. Our greatest and worst moments are His to judge. Yet, when we accept Christ into our lives, He chooses not to know. He chooses to give grace and to forget our darkest actions and hardened hearts.

    “The Lord is compassionate and merciful,
        slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
     He will not constantly accuse us,
        nor remain angry forever.
     He does not punish us for all our sins;
        he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
     For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
        is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
     He has removed our sins as far from us
        as the east is from the west.”

    Psalm 103:8-12

    This was something I decided I wanted to do my best to emmulate. I wanted to not know. I wanted to interact with others without them having the fear of my judgement. I wanted my friends and loved ones to share with me only when they felt ready, not because of digging questions.

    It doesn’t mean I don’t ask questions. It means I wait to be invited to ask.

    And it is an art form I am still learning.

    Continuing the adventure,

    Jess

     

  • Mumford and Sons, Exellence, and Common Ground

    This post should have been up a month ago.

    Admittedly, I am not excellent.

    Mumford and Sons, however, are. They excel at their craft, which is why last month a few thousand people and myself packed the Hollywood Bowl to see them play. It was an awesome show. Paul and I had seats pretty close to the front. It was inspiring to look back and see a sea of faces behind us, all stomping their feet, shaking their fists and singing along.

    It made me remember once again the power of refinement and pursuing excellence in your craft. I love the message of Mumford and Sons. Their lyrics point to a human experience which I believe is common to all of us, however, without their skill at intertwining chords and rhythm, the message would be lost. The power would be lost.

    So here is my challenge to the Christians out there, and myself is included in this, go be excellent. Whatever it is you do, whatever your calling, whatever your craft, be excellent. Do not create a subculture where slapping a “Christian” label on something means it is good enough. Go put on your big boy and girl pants, refine your skill, put in the time and compete with the culture at large.

    This is important.

    It is important because being excellent creates common ground. No one gets angry at Mumford and Sons for singing “Serve God, Love me and mend” (which is a quote from a favorite Shakespear play, bonus points if you know which one). People don’t get angry because Mumford and Sons are excellent. They have a larger scope of influence because they are excellent. They attract people of all different walks of life because they are excellent.

    Do you get it yet?

    So next time you feel frustrated with the culture of the world, don’t withdraw. Don’t be angry. Don’t try to shove Jesus at them and make angry picket signs. Instead, quietly and resolutely continue the process of becoming excellent. It will be noticed.

    Continuing the adventure,

    Jessica

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