The following is a Blog entry that I wrote in August while visiting my grandmother in Germany. Paul and I went for three and a half weeks despite it being a financially unwise decision.
“Get up Jessica”
“What?”
“Come on. Lets go for a walk”
“But its so early”
“I know, lets go, I want to walk with you for a bit”
“But Ill wake Paul, and its cold, the bed is nice and warm”
“Come on Jessica, get up, I want to spend some time with you”
I fumbled out of bed. I kissed Paul and told him I was going for walk hoping only that he would understand even when I didnt.
“Where are we going?
“Ill show you”
“Why are we going uphill? Its so early”
“Im taking you to the wild. This way.”
“I dont know that path”
“Will you take it anyway?”
“Where does it lead?”
“To the place I will show you. To the wild, the place where we can be together.”
“How far are we going?”
“Does it matter? We are together, thats all I want.”
I sat down in the midst of the bramble, my view blocked from all sides. I was in seclusion but I wasnt alone.
“Do you know why I brought you here?”
“Because its beautiful.”
“Here is where I can speak to you; this place is special to you and me. In the wild. Ever since you were a little girl Ive met you here. I heard you cry when you thought you were alone. I watched you laugh as you danced through the wonders Ive made. I want you to know that I brought you here. Stop questioning if you did the right thing by coming, you were answering my call. Remember that this place is special to you and me. Remember when I brought you here.”
“Yes Lord”
I know I sound crazy, but this is the walk I had with the Lord this morning. I had been struggling with coming to Germany this year. Financially coming to Germany was probably one of the stupidest decisions Paul and I could have made. Even as I boarded the plane, as we landed in Frankfurt, and yesterday night as we walked through the city, I have been struggling with whether or not I was being obedient and a faithful steward or a selfish girl. This morning God gave me the answerand next to salvation it is the best gift he has given me: the knowledge that right now in this moment I am right where I am suppose to be.
I took a stone home to help me remember the day the Lord took me into the Wild.
Now as I look back, I see there was purpose in this trip. I don’t understand why God decided that now was when he wanted my grandmother back. I don’t know why….I don’t know the whys to a lot of questions I have right now, but I do not that God intended for me to have that time with her, and He needed to get me out of the way so that I could enjoy it.
Jess Boctor 