As the fog cleared I saw my heart, beating in two hands. Quickly they wrapped it, suffocating it, tying it to a piece of lead. As my angst grew, the hands worked harder, quicker, as if fighting against the emotions I was feeling. The more the fog cleared the easier it was to see the hands intention. I could see now that my heart was hurting, it writhed in pain. The hands worked in frustration, as mother that tries to quiet a child who will not be comforted. My heart could not be soothed by these hands, so the hands planned to bury it in the depths of the sea. Fear burned within me, passion fought to save my heart; my broken heart; but the hands fought harder, faster.
I was too late. The hands completed their work, the lead was tied and my heart was let loose. I went numb at the sound of the splash. I watched my heart, my dreams, my loves; I watched them all sink into darkness. With anguish I cried, “Why?” I had to know who would send my soul to a cage of waves and darkness. As the waters stilled I watched for the reflection of the culprit.
It was me. The reflection was mine. The hands were mine. I buried my own heart, my broken heart, when I could not heal it.
“Oh God! What have I done?” I shook with tears that were too late.
“My child, why do you cry?”
“Lord, my Lord, I have buried my own heart. I have sent it to the depths of the sea. It was broken, I could not mend it, I could not make it well.”
“My child, why do you cry? Remember what is lost can always be found. Where my love is I am there also, and my love has no bounds. No depth of the water is too much for me.”
With these words my Lord returned my heart to me. He brought it out of the sea, gently he untied its bonds. He removed the lead and his touched soothed the pain. As my heart, my whole heart, began to beat again He offered it back to me.
“No, Lord. What You save is Yours.”
Jess Boctor 