Pastor Matt Brown, of Sandals Church, has recently gotten in trouble for saying some seriously stupid and very hurtful things. I’m not here to try and convince you what he said wasn’t stupid. He knows what he said was stupid. He feels it to his core and has expressed deep remorse.
The reason I feel compelled to write is not to defend Sandals Church. It isn’t to ‘correct’ those who called Matt out for saying what he said. I feel compelled to write because I have known Matt for over a decade. I know that for every time he has gotten in trouble for saying stupid things from the pulpit, there are hundreds of times he has touched someone’s life with positive messages and conversations. My life included.
The most recent conversation, I haven’t shared on this blog before. It happened in November. Paul and I had recently returned home from living in Germany for 10 months. We were wounded, exhausted, and pretty gun shy when it came to communities of faith. The reality of Christian life is no church is perfect. Paul and I had been wounded by certain events at Sandals, and wounded by certain things which happened in the community we were a part of in Germany. On top of everything, our homecoming was a really difficult transition, especially for me. I felt overwhelmed and frustrated with God. I was trying to process why it was so difficult to live out my faith within the context of community. So when Paul and I happened to run into Matt at Sports Authority and he invited us to lunch, I was terrified of what would transpire.
What Matt didn’t know at the time, was that because of my own personal issues and some of the events which happened at various churches throughout my life, I was held captive by a lie. Within the context of church, I believed I was only loved if I was useful. This lie had suffocated me for a long time. It robbed me of joy. It tainted my relationships within the church because I was exhausted with trying to earn my place. So when Paul, Matt and I met for lunch, I was apprehensive of once again being asked to be useful or having my heart demanded of me.
You can imagine my surprise when, through our entire conversation, Matt didn’t make a single request of me. Instead, he shared a message which God had put on his heart and was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. He shared about he had known Paul and I for a long time, and how much he missed seeing joy in our lives. He shared that most trips abroad were difficult and did not end well, so there was nothing we should have been ashamed of. Most importantly, he shared that he didn’t know which church we were attending at the time and he didn’t care. He wanted us to know he loved us and would be willing to walk alongside us if we needed him to.
I liken the conversation to having a cancerous tumor removed. It was an intensely painful conversation. Quiet tears fell from my eyes through most of our time together. Yet, so much healing has come from that day. I finally felt freed from having to prove myself at church. That conversation, and the words which Matt spoke, are a marker for me in my journey to restoration. I would not be experiencing the jubilee which I now have if he had not reached out.
I am not sharing this story to try and take away the impact of Matt’s words on the LGBT community. It was an offensive joke, and said unthinkingly. What I am trying to do, is to show you a different side of Matt. I hope to shift your perspective a little, because the truth is, my story is not unique. I know there are hundreds of lives which have been positively affected through Matt’s sermons and private conversations with him. This part of him isn’t captured in the edited three minute video which has been shown to the world as evidence of another hateful minister. If you would like to know what Matt is really about, I would encourage you to watch some of the other hundreds of videos of his preaching. I would also encourage you to remember that like the rest of us, one of Matt’s greatest gifts is also his greatest weakness.
Continuing the adventure,
Jess
Jess Boctor 