Jess Boctor

Category: Jesus

  • Confession

    I have a confession to make. See the Blog community at Sandals is getting to be amazing, full of so many insightful, funny, and interesting people that I felt I had to upgrade from my itty bitty MySpace Blog to a grown up blog. I had all these dreams of it being an insightful, romantic (more in a literary sense, not the queasy sense), intelligent and artistic, amazing Blog. I wanted to anonymously climb the ranks of the Blog Father’s list to the top five. I didn’t want to be number one, just in the top five. That isn’t too ridiculous is it? He only has about a jillion blogs linked to his page.  I wanted to comment on peoples pages and watch them get creeped out as I knew so much about them (okay so I have a dark side). I wanted to giggle as people around me would comment on some post I made and say, “Who is the PhantomBlonde?” Anyways, here’s my problem, reality hit. Truth be told, I am not really all that insightful, intelligent, romantic (both in the literary sense or the queasy sense), or artistic; at least not enough so to carry a blog on, I mean really, I’m only 21! That and I am an ego maniac, so if I don’t hear about how cool my post is, even if I know how cool it is, I go nuts. So all this combined and I managed to hold out for a day and half. Weak.

    Jessica The LionSo the cats out of the bag, the PhantomBlonde is Jessica B, the crazy kid from Pipeline who hangs out with the brown guy (I mean Paul, not Carlos) even though I am sure that most of you are still wondering “Phantom Who?” The cool thing is that my mom and dad are still on vacation, so by the time they get back I will have a weeks worth of cool stuff put up and I can listen to my mom yell at me, “You have a blog and you didn’t tell me?!” Yeah, you would think kids would grow out enjoying making their parents yell, we don’t.

    So maybe I will be able to throw in something cool and insightful or artsy every now and again, but for now you’re just going to get me and all the weirdness that goes with it. Enjoy!

  • I dreamed a dream…

    As the fog cleared I saw my heart, beating in two hands. Quickly they wrapped it, suffocating it, tying it to a piece of lead. As my angst grew, the hands worked harder, quicker, as if fighting against the emotions I was feeling. The more the fog cleared the easier it was to see the hands intention. I could see now that my heart was hurting, it writhed in pain. The hands worked in frustration, as mother that tries to quiet a child who will not be comforted. My heart could not be soothed by these hands, so the hands planned to bury it in the depths of the sea. Fear burned within me, passion fought to save my heart; my broken heart; but the hands fought harder, faster.

    I was too late. The hands completed their work, the lead was tied and my heart was let loose. I went numb at the sound of the splash. I watched my heart, my dreams, my loves; I watched them all sink into darkness. With anguish I cried, “Why?” I had to know who would send my soul to a cage of waves and darkness. As the waters stilled I watched for the reflection of the culprit. 

    It was me. The reflection was mine. The hands were mine. I buried my own heart, my broken heart, when I could not heal it.

    “Oh God! What have I done?” I shook with tears that were too late.

    “My child, why do you cry?”

    “Lord, my Lord, I have buried my own heart. I have sent it to the depths of the sea. It was broken, I could not mend it, I could not make it well.”

    “My child, why do you cry? Remember what is lost can always be found. Where my love is I am there also, and my love has no bounds. No depth of the water is too much for me.”

    With these words my Lord returned my heart to me. He brought it out of the sea, gently he untied its bonds. He removed the lead and his touched soothed the pain. As my heart, my whole heart, began to beat again He offered it back to me.

    “No, Lord. What You save is Yours.”