Category: The Early Years

You have more than likely experiened a few of these things.

1. The Combo Gift

This one is a bit of a tragedy. It is the “Here’s your Christmas/Birthday gift which took the same amount of time and effort as if I only bought you a Christmas present” present. My parents were pretty good about not doing this one. Although, there was one Christmas morning when I was hunting under the Christmas tree for a set of legos which had been there a week before (every kid knows what wrapped up legos sound like). They showed up the next day for my birthday. I’ll admit my seven year old self felt slightly robbed.

My older brother gets points for the most creative use of a combo gift. He bought me a pair of tennis shoes which I wanted. I received the left one for Christmas and the right one for my birthday. At least I got to open two packages.

2. Christmas Wrapped Birthday Gifts

This one is not such a big deal, but definitely makes my heart a little sad each year. I mean, if you showed up to a birthday in April with a gift wrapped in penguins, fat men in red suits, or little triangle shaped trees, it would be weird right? For some reason though, if you have a birthday near the holidays, this is completely acceptable.

3. Year-Round Reminders Of The Tragedy Of The Day Which You Were Born

This most often happens whenever I have to give a stranger my drivers licence (usually to purchase alcohol). They see my birthdate and immediately say, “Day after Christmas? That must SUCK!” Or they tell me about some other unfortunate soul they know who always got jipped on their birthday because of its proximity to the holidays.

Funny enough, it was usually my grandmother who, year after year, liked to comment on the sad nature of my birthday. The annual tradition usually sounded something like this, “You know, you never get much because we all just spent so much on Christmas.” Thanks.

But there are some benefits to being a Christmas baby.

1. Flexible Birthday Plans

Since school was always out on my birthday and most of my friends were away with family, there was a lot of flexibility in when I had an actual party. This usually led to a double party. The first with family on the day of and the second at a later date of my choosing. Pool party in July? No problem. Fairy tale party in November? Why not? I would venture to guess that for every birthday party my brothers had, I had one and a half parties.

2. The Anthropolgie Birthday Discount

I love Anthropologie. As an Anthro card holder, they send me a 15% off card every year for my birthday. They also let me have this discount on top of whatever sales happen to be on at the time. Yay for end of year clearence.

All of this December birthday analysis happened because of a particularly hilarious episode of “Happy Endings”. In which, Jane begrudgingly admits that she is a Christmas Baby and has been lying about her birthday her entire life. Go. Watch. Peek into my world.

Continuing the adventure (soon a year older),

Jess

I blundered in and found him with tears in his eyes. When I asked what was up, he said he was having a cry. I asked if he wanted to talk about it, he said no. As he stood leaning against the kitchen counter, his pain became my pain.

I desperately wanted to know why we were both hurting.

Since he could not share, I gave him a hug and prayed to God, “You are the God of unspoken things. Whatever this is, I pray for your healing and power over it. Amen.”

We stayed there for a few moments, just holding onto one another and our God who is bigger than all this.

After, I did my best to stay present in the moment. I had a cafe date to get to, but I knew this was more important than being a few minutes late. He talked in broad terms about the source of his pain. I asked questions which I thought would help him process. I pushed back the thousand scenarios running through my mind of what could have happened. I didn’t ask for details.

It was hard.

I wanted to know. I wanted to be on his side. I wanted to rant and rave. I wanted to give advice and help him figure things out. I wanted to be on the inside scope.

The reason I resisted is because of something which Matt Brown said many years ago and has stuck with me on my journey through life.

It was this: God has the power to know and not to know.

Think of the implications! If God can know every single thing about us. Our greatest and worst moments are His to judge. Yet, when we accept Christ into our lives, He chooses not to know. He chooses to give grace and to forget our darkest actions and hardened hearts.

“The Lord is compassionate and merciful,
    slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
 He will not constantly accuse us,
    nor remain angry forever.
 He does not punish us for all our sins;
    he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
 For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
    is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
 He has removed our sins as far from us
    as the east is from the west.”

Psalm 103:8-12

This was something I decided I wanted to do my best to emmulate. I wanted to not know. I wanted to interact with others without them having the fear of my judgement. I wanted my friends and loved ones to share with me only when they felt ready, not because of digging questions.

It doesn’t mean I don’t ask questions. It means I wait to be invited to ask.

And it is an art form I am still learning.

Continuing the adventure,

Jess

 

Last night in a mix of good intentions and bad judgement I broke three of my personal rules.

Don’t write personal messages late at night.

Don’t speak into a life where I don’t have permission.

Don’t use Facebook for conversations of the heart.

This morning, as I contemplated what I had done, I realized what a fool I was. I reread what I wrote and felt ashamed. Since I didn’t have a way to retract the message I sent, I sent a follow up message apologizing and therby solidfying my role as a weird stalker type person.

Crap.

To make matters worse, I got an email this morning from Relventmagazine.com. They ran an article I WROTE about the need for an understanding of intimacy in correlation to authenticity.

My actions are so out of line with my vision of what I want to be, it is ridiculous.

So there you have it my friends. I am a hypcorite.

And if you are the person whose business I stuck my big fat nose into, please know, I am truly sorry.

Continuing the adventure, missteps and all,

Jess

Last night I went to see Moi and Dex in concert.

At one point the word “ridiculous” slipped out under my breath. They are just so talented. Though my favorite part of the concert was not actually the music.

It was the chance to see two men who are continuing on the adventure of who God is creating them to be. I don’t know very much of their story. I do know, like many of our stories, it has been wraught with challenges and questions. Yesterday night each man stood on stage, with different stories to tell, but with the determination to continue on and the blessings which are apparent in their lives.

I believe this is the other side of our stories. Sometimes it becomes easier to talk about the pain, the abuse, the questions and the hardships. I think we need to have the freedom to talk about these things. There is healing in expressing where we have come from.

But…

The real beauty, the story of redemption which makes my heart beats fast, is in the other side of the story. It is in what happens after everything seems hopeless. It is in the hero winning. It is in the confidence of someone who has survived the battle. It is in finding the treasure.

Continuing the adventure,

Jess

 

It’s December and I found this late bloomer in my lemon tree.

Keep growing my friend.

Continuing the adventure,

Jess

If you run
I’ll give chase
If you lead
I will follow
Embrace me in your arms
Reteach me the art of the long kiss
For my words were not hollow
When I said I chose you.

 

Continuing the adventure,

Jess