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I am an avid journaler. 

I don’t just mean here on the blog. I mean in a real book. With a pen. I doodle and meander with words through my life. 

Sometimes, I don’t always have time to answer all the questions I have running through my head. When this happens, I often draw a big box and write down my question. This way I can come back to it later when I have more time.

I was searching through my journal for some writing inspiration today and I came across quite a few unfinished pages. The following are some of the topics I found.

A blank venn diagram.

Dear God, 

Reflections on selling everything

An overflowing cup of culture (illustrated)

What do I put my hope in?

What have I been trying to figure out on my own?

What do I need to release (A whole page)?

(And opposite) What do I need to do?

(an unfinished poem-or maybe a song lyric)

In an eagles cry

Or a wild rose

I’ve found you Lord

In both of those

Yet I cannot see

You in me.

(another page with the subtitle) Conversations

All these things which want finishing. Which require time and quiet. Which need a mindful heart and soul.

I think I will have quite enough to write about for now.

Continuing the adventure, 

Jess

 

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.

Psalm 119:105

 

We’re here.

We have arrived in Germany. Jet lag has worn off. Life has begun to take rhythm and shape. So what now?

There are the obivious tasks like starting the application process for Paul’s visa, looking for a source of income, and I really need to buy a coat rack for our room.

Still, something inside keeps asking what’s next? What is it we are doing here which we wouldn’t be doing at home? Why is it God called us to this place at this time? Where are we to take direction from now?

What’s next God?

I don’t think He wants us to know. I think He is revealing just enough light to show us the few meters closest to us. He is just giving us a taste of what is to come, edging us along the precipice of faith and insanity with His coaxing voice.

And I am really trying to enjoy the view, but it is a little unnerving. Disgruntled fairies seem to whisper in my ear, “you’re nuts” every time I tell the story of how Paul and I ended up in Germany. We check our bank account we calculate just how much time we have left if there is no job in sight.We talk about setting up good boundries and how to survive this thing called “church.”

Still I know I am exactly where God wants me to be, so what’s next?

Discipline is next. Definitely not the regemented and severe -eins-zwei-eins-zwei which I am sure you are sterotyping Germany with. No, these are disciplines of the heart and of interacting with the Holy Spirit. The discipline of living a life aware and responsive to our God; of becoming nothing more than a stretch of skin over something which is greater than me.

The art of living satisfied in the glow of a lamp.

Learning this is next.

 

Today I spent my morning cleaning up our room and I was just amazed at how beautiful the fall colors were. After finishing up the chores I grabbed the camera and snapped a few shots from our window to share with everyone.

So we have been here a week now.

I don’t count Tuesday, it was all a foggy memory.

Today, however, is Wednesday. Today was our first real day in Düsseldorf, and so today marks our first real week. Here is what I have been learning so far:

Life goes on.

In the mornings I often walk the dogs with Evelyn. Sabine runs to fast and Frodo always waits until he thinks Evelyn is not looking. We wander the city. To the Geldautomat so Paul and I can fund our adventure. To the video store. To the grocery store. 

Friends, Alan and Veronika, come and pick us up. They drive us around the city to take care of some basics; a new cell phone, train passes, dönner, and where we can buy clothes warm enough to let us survive the impending winter.

The next afternoon Evelyn and I try to do something creative. She paints a canvas bigger than I have been brave enough to approach. I fold papers to make a book. Just as everything is laid out Paul comes home from helping a friend and wants to know what we are planning for dinner. Spaghetti; he staggers upstairs and heads for the shower.

Dinner time and the rest of the family fast appraoches. I pack up my work and wander to the kitchen. Evelyn is still wrapped up in her painting so I take out the ground beef. Paul comes in a moment later, “Shouldn’t you cook the onions first?” I am demoted to making the salad.

We call the family to dinner, Johannes eats quickly and returns to his video game. He waited the entire week to play it. Carla corrects my use of a male third person preposition in refering to Sabine, who is certainly female. 

Tomorrow I will go to town to buy new shoes, weather proof shoes, and maybe a warmer sweater. Paul will help our friend with his house rennovations and life will go on.

 

We have had amazing weather in Germany this past week. The air is pinch-your-cheeks-rose cold but the sun has been shining. I have been astounded at how crisp and vibrant the bright light makes the colors around us. I took my camera out today to see if I could share some of this with you.

It’s 5:24 AM. I have already been up an hour and since sleep seems more and more out of reach as my brain revs up for today, I thought I would write a quick update about our first day in Düsseldorf.

We arrived on Tuesday very late and woke up on Wednesday very early. We wandered out to the banks of the Rhein with Evelyn to let Frodo and Sabine run. When we came home again, we shared breakfast and then Paul and I crashed. In the afternoon, Evelyn went to pick up Carla from school and I wandered out into the city on my own. Paul stayed home in the safety of our bed.

I got lost.

Of course I got lost, what else would you expect from me. I wandered the city until I found the Rhein again and followed it where we had walked the dogs that morning. I at least knew I was in the right area than and so I stopped and asked for directions. 

The first attempt was a failure. There was a gentleman who was watching me, I assumed because it was so utterly obvious I was lost. Apparently not. When I finally stopped and asked him if he could direct me to Peter-Krahestr he didn’t speak German. I asked if he spoke english; no joy. However, he did manage an encouraging, “Ein Caffe?” 

Nein. Danke.

I hurried away in search of better intel. I found a hotel and stopped to ask again. They were able to point me in the right direction and even let me use a phone to call Paul and let him know I wasn’t dead. Just to be sure I was on the right path, I stopped again when I thought I was about halfway home and made sure I was going the correct way.

This is when it hit me–people were answering me in German. This seems like a logical thing for them to do, however, most Germans speak English very well. Most Germans auto-revert to English as soon as they hear you stumble over their sentence structure but no one has done this to me today. They hear and understand my awkward phrasing and answer me as if I will understand what they are saying, and I do. Most of the time.

Once I finally made it home Evelyn was sitting on the couch reading to the kids. We cooked dinner and I helped set the table. After the kids and Paul went to bed, I sit up with Birger and Evelyn. They drink beer and I drink water, we talk about community, marriage, false ideas of romance and I share with them a tidbit I had written in my journal on the flight over: 

“True love isn’t a magical kiss which wakes you up. It’s when your husband lets you put your feet in his lap in economy class to keep your ankles from swelling.”

Soon we are all tired. It takes us a moment to realize we don’t have to learn everything about each other this first night, though it is tempting, because there’s always tomorrow. And the day after.

Maybe on those days I’ll have my camera.