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In continuation of my thoughts about the amazing adventure which was last night, I want to share what an amazing power music has.

Last night, Paul and I arrived at the Grammy’s museum for the show with Mumford and Sons which was sponsered by Kroq and CBS. Paul and I had amazing seats in the front row. As the show was getting ready to start, two gentleman walked in. Paul and I immediately recongized them from their recent pilot for Traffic Light (which I highly advise you to watch). My neighbor for the evening was Nelson Franklin, and sitting next to him was David Denman*.

I understand, they are two people just like the rest of us. They have stories; some of which are probably similar to mine and some of which are different than mine. Yet I still couldn’t help but feel there was a divid between us. The had on gold wrist bands, while mine was blue. They are established in their creative careers while my novel is sitting on a shelf. 

Then the band came on the stage and once again, another divide was noticeable. These are muscians who have sky rocketed into the front of the industry. Next to me are actors who are making a living at their trade. I am a writer whenever I am brave enough to claim it.

Here is the reason I love music; with the first chord, the divide melted away.

The band played, Mr. Denman and Mr. Franklin stamped their feet, and I clapped my hands while trying so hard (and failing) not to sing out loud with the lyrics. For those few songs our ages, nationalities, sex, and career status didn’t matter as we all participated and enjoyed the exuberant and soul pinging music. 

Afterward, we all seperated into our normal spheres. The band jumped into a van. Paul and I meandered the terrace of the Grammy museum. Mr. Franklin and Mr. Denman talked off to the side.

But for a little while, we shared the same space.

Continuing the adventure,

Jess

*I want to be clear that David Denman and Nelson Franklin were very kind and in no way gave the impression of being superior or more important than me. They have worked very hard to be where they are and deserve all the perks they get. When Paul finally dragged my courage out of me and I introduced myself they were very gracious; including taking a picture with me for the blog. Please do watch their new show; it is very clever and speaks about the journey of life. A topic which you all know is dear to my heart.

On Friday morning Paul won tickets to go see Mumford and Sons. We were stoked.

We have been trying to figure out a way to see them for a while now; but finances, availability of tickets, and time have prevented us. So to be able to go see them in concert was an amazing gift. Thanks KROQ.

We expected the tickets to be for a large venure and we most likely had nose bleed seats. What we received was so much more than we imagined; much more than we were prepared for.

When Paul called for the details he was told it was for a pre-grammy party at a small venue with a dress code. The dress code caught me off guard, as it was described as “club” and I had no idea what that meant.

Luckily, I have a few fashion savy friends who answered my plea for a definition; it meant to dress to impress, no jeans, no tennis shoes. This put me in a panic stage of mind as I didn’t think I had anything to match this description with the exception of a pair of high heels. I don’t own anything between vintagesque cali beach bum and formal attire. 

Paul and I power shopped through the mall, which is one of my least favorite experiences in the world, and found me a dress. I managed to wrangle my hair into something resembling an up-do. I put on make-up without overdoing the smokey-eyes into you lost a battle with a ninja black eyes. All in all I think we managed to pull it off.

The show was amazing; the entire evening was amazing. 

However, I couldn’t quite shake the feeling it would be a little more amazing if I had been more prepared. If I had in my bag of tricks an easy up-do which worked everytime. If I put enough effort into wearing makeup that I didn’t panic every time I wanted to be a little fancy. If in my closet, I had one dress which always looked amazing so I didn’t have to panic shop at the last minute. If I had a little more self confidence in who I am so I would be prepared for any situation; especially those which are beyond my imagination.

This has been a recurring question in my times with God and in my life: Are you ready? 

I feel like everytime I ask Him for the dream, He simply quietly asks, “are you ready?” I think this is an important question, because God doesn’t ever want to just answer our prayers, He wants to go above and beyond. God knows we dream too small and He wants to give us life, and life more abundantly.

But we have to do our part.  We can’t expect God to reward our laziness. We have to give of our time, talents and teasures in the pursuit of the dream. So we can be as prepared as possible for whereever His plans take us. I am fully confident He will reward the little we have to offer with amazing things if we are faithful in doing so.

¹⁰ Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.”

Malachi 3:10

Continuing the adventure,

Jess

⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

A few weeks ago, I shared I had auditioned for a musical. I went as an offering to God, to honor the person I believe He is creating in me; and to show I am willing to go when I feel the Holy Spirit nudge me along. This transformation will be a long process, because, as I have shared multiple times, currently music is a weakness of mine. My musical talents are anemic, as they have been starved by my fear of failure for so long.

It was a risk for me to go to the audition. It risked my pride, my dreams, and the little part of my soul which gets left on the stage whenever I sing for others.

My risk was rewarded, but maybe not how you think.

I was not cast in the musical. I did not amaze the director into giving this unknown the lead. I was rewarded in a different way. I received a call from the director who let me know they thought I did very well at the audition, but unfortunately, they were not able to cast me because they are keeping a small cast and they had some of their big players come out to audition for the show. This director is family friend and knows I have a talent and history in set design, so she asked me instead if I would be willing to do the props for the show. 

This is how amazing God is. 

I risked the dream; which in all honesty, would put me in a very strange a stressful position right now. As this would have been my first show in a very long time, I would have been open to all sorts of attacks about my worth and abilities. It would have been very easy for the dream to be turned into a nightmare by my own weakness. So instead of granting the dream, all right now, God has given me the first step. Set design is a strength of mine. It comes naturally to me and requires much less effort on my part than performing. It will require less of a time commitment, which is good because my life is gearing up to be very busy in the coming weeks. In this way, I get to introduce myself to these other theater artists not in my weakness, but in a strength.

Don’t misunderstand me, set design is not the goal and I have not lost sight of the dream. I am not settling in any way; I am moving forward with the understanding that it will all take time. My weaknesses will become my strengths when I wait in the power of Christ.

Continuing the adventure,

Jessi 

Part of knowing who you are is knowing you weaknesses.

Cats are Kryptonite to me.

Which is a little heart wrenching when have these three adorable kittens hanging out under my window.

Continuing the adventure,

Jessica

I had a bit of an Obi-Wan Kenobi moment the other night as my friend and blogging student*, Cristin Smith, explained to me where the disconnect of my blog has been. I swear, somewhere nearby someone was breathing deeply and saying, “I was but the learner; now I am the master.”

However, Cristin looks much better in black.

Our discussion centered around the journals I make and the journals I use. Cristin pointed out to me the draw of anything I make is not the thing itself, it’s the story of the person who made it. She pointed to my stack of abused and tatterd journals and called them sex appeal.

I laughed.

I think they would be better described as the ravings of lunatic. Still, I’m the lunatic and those are my ravings. They’re my story; captured in words, pictures and tidbits I have a habit of stealing. They go back as far as September of 1997 and are an important reminder of the twists and turns my adventure has taken.

These books have affirmed for me depression really is something I have dealt with all my life. You only need to read through these books to see the thread of sadness which pierces me. 

These books remind me all I have ever really wanted to do with my life is write and sing. I have been a prolific writer, most often about my love of music.

These books remind of the times in my life when I had joy and peace. They remind of the times when I struggled through trajedy. They remind me of the times I have been right where I needed to be, and the times I have gotten off track. 

Most importantly, they remind me of the work of God in my life.

You see, I have finally figured out what the heck I am designed to do***. God has created and gifted me to engage people in their unique roles and draw them into the shared experience of humanities story.

So what does that mean?

It means I see you. I see who you as a unique individual with an identity all your own. I see what your hang ups are and what your gifts are. I see beyond who you are today, and look to who God designed you to be.**

 

And when I see you, I see the story around you. I see how other characters have affected you, and conversely, you them. I see the larger movement of culture and society. I see how the little things we do as individuals cause ripple affects which turn into tidal waves.

This is who I am.

And it is why journals are such a big part of my life. They are the way in which we record, remember, and recognize who we have been, who we are, and who we dream about being. 

They are our lives, captured.

Continuing the adventure, 

Jessica

 

*blogging student is a hyperbole; she wanted to start blogging so I tormented her into doing so

**this is obviously determined but the amount of time and conversation we have together, I am not Ms.Leo

***the process of finding my unique giftedness and purpose has taken more than a few years, and how exactly I am to accomplish this purpose remains to be determined.

I think this is how I’ll spend my afternoon.

Continuing the adventure,

Jessica