Jess Boctor

Category: Uncategorized

  • Thoughts on Transition for #novemberblogfest

    Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. – Colossians 3:23

    I had a friend who asked me recently for some advice on transition. Since this has been a relatively prevalent theme in my life, I thought I would take some of the things which I shared with my friend and post them. This is a jumbled culmination of the lessons which God has been teaching me for the past few years.

    The first part of the lesson, which is most likely the hardest, is that God cares more about your character than your career. I think he cares more about the attitude you bring with you to work than where it is you work. He cares about the process of refinement which needs to happen in each of us in order to make us the best representation of who He is to the world. God wants us to be fully present wherever we are. He wants us to be good stewards, and employees, even as we recognize that our current circumstances may not represent where we sense in our hearts that God is taking us. 

    That being said, God does care about your career. I refuse to believe God would say that he came to give us life, and life abundantly, and then order us all to live a cubicle defined life. I don’t think God ever intended for mankind to give the best years of his life to a job he hates. The trick though, is to make sure you are not just leaving one job you hate for another job, which you may end up hating more. 

    Remember, it is all about refinement. Learning to focus on that which God has called you to. Erwin McManus wrote in Wide Awake about how this process of focus may mean not just saying no to the obviously bad opportunities. It also means saying no to the good ones which you were not designed to do. 

    I have no delusions that my new job is a glamorous job which will utilize the fullness of who God has made me to be. I do however, believe it is part of my refinement. This job will allow me more time alone, which hopefully means more time to write and create with my hands. It will help me to use my German so that if Paul and I do go to Germany, I can be a more effective leader and witness. Hopefully my new schedule will even allow me time to take a singing class. It will teach me how to work at home and be disciplined, and it will give me the freedom to move and still have an income. All of these things are in line with, and encourage my journey towards the person God created me to be.

    In times of transition, these are the questions which I would encourage you to ask yourself:

    1. Do I want to take this new opportunity just to get out of the situation which I am currently in? Am I looking for any exit?
    2. Would this new circumstance provide opportunity to encourage and grow the person God called me to be? Will it take my focus off of those things which I really feel God has been pressing into me?
    3. Can I be realistic about what the change is? Do I have unfounded expectations that this change will  “fix” any of the problems in my life?

    Continuing the adventure, 

    Jessi

  • New Book #novemberblogfest

    So I failed yesterday. Totally forgot to post.

     

    This morning when I woke up I thought of at least a million excuses, but I remembered they were just that; excuses.
    So I will just own up to my forgetfulness and move on.

     

    Here is the newest book I made. It is one of my monogram journals made with a coptic stitch binding and newsprint pages. I used old dictionary pages from the ‘R’ section for the accent page and dividers.

     Continuing the adventure, 

    Jess

    Img_9218Img_9220Img_9222Img_9223

  • Hats off to #NovemberBlogFest

    There are many hats I’ve worn

    Tried them all on for size
    To see if I could find the one
    That’d brighten up these eyes

    Some have been fashioned by society
    Some were sewn of expectations much too high
    A few I wore for far too long
    In many of them I’ve tried to hide

    The ribbons, buttons and beads
    All used to dazzle me
    Like an emperors clothes kept me blind 
    That a crown of thorns was my reality 

    It is time for me to decide
    Who it is I wish to be
    No longer ruled by pin and pattern
    I will follow that which sets me free

    I am done with the hatters game,
    I find I stand much taller, 
    Without the weight of a role to play

    Continuing the adventure, 

    Jessie

  • Stuck.

    Somewhere, between Frankfurt and Trier, Nan is stuck on a train.

    She’s been there for about nine months or so.

    I’m doubtful if she will ever get out.

    Nan is a character of a novel (unpublished) which I wrote about a year ago. I am making plans to give the novel a last edit and then publish to Amazon. With the kindle and proliferation of e-books, the gamble I take is that no one will read it. They most definitely aren’t reading it now, so I like the odds.

    The thing is, with plans to publish the first book, I feel the need to get cracking on the second book which currently exists in a myriad of scenes and quotations in my head. I have the plot sketched out, I know how the adventure should go, I love the characters which I have created.

    And yet Nan is just sitting on that train.

    When I first started composing the follow up, I was frustrated because the characters which I had created wouldn’t behave in the way which I expected them to. They were suppose to fight, and yet one gave in too easily and the other never misbehaved. This strange stalemate which they put me into lasted for a few months when finally I had a break through, I resolved the discrepancies and they had a great fight. It would seem I would now be free to complete the novel, or at least a chapter.

    Yet Nan is still sitting on that train.

    I have been contemplating the reluctance I have had in writing the next stage of Nan’s story, and I realize that it isn’t really Nan who is stuck. It’s me.

    The first novel I wrote (and rewrote) in a period of about six months. With a cheerleader and brave understanding of my message, I moved through the thousands of words with determination and gusto. I wrote a bold fiction based on those things which I knew to be true. Things I understood, a journey which I have been in the process of taking and could recognise the road signs.

    Now though, Nan’s story, my story, is moving through uncharted territory. The roads are unfamiliar and my steps more hesitant.

    And since I am not ready to step onto the platform, I am stuck on the train.
    Continuing the adventure, 

    Jessica 

  • Making the #Blogfest Deadline

    Img_9216

    So I was challenged this month to take part in a blog soiree of sorts, and to blog every day. Since I was tapped on the writing from yesterdays post, and I need some stock in my store, I decided to make a new book to post and have been stitching away to make the deadline for today.

    This is a hard bound Coptic stitch journal. The covers are made from a marble vintage book, and are 5″ x 8″. It has 140 pages of blank medium weight newsprint, great for any sketch artist or avid creative journal. I will be adding it to my store soon, so if you would like it for yourself, be sure to keep your eyes open!
    Continuing the adventure, 

    Jessi

  • Broken of Ambivalence

    Yesterday, our church met for this first time in our new building. Not just any new building, but OUR new building. Our church has been homeless for 12 years, wandering from the hospitality of one location to the next, schlepping and hooking 400 chairs with us as we went. This summer alone we have met in three different locations.

    My attitude when I woke up Sunday morning can be best described as meh.

    You see, God made me to be a wanderer. As a child I was deemed to be a “bag lady” always prepped with whatever four Lego pieces, doll outfit, snippet of string and the color of the moment crayon which I thought I would need all tucked into a small bag ready to go at a moments notice. As I have gotten older, I still have Gypsy soul which always searches the horizon for where my next adventure lies. Currently, I carry in my mind a mental check list of those things which I need to accomplish in order to become a mobility cheetah; ready to spring at any opportunity which comes in my sight.

    So as my church has gone through the arduous task of searching for, purchasing, and renovating a building to call home I have not had much emotional investment. It is mostly a fact to me that we needed a building of our own. I could clearly see the time and creative benefits of not having to set up and tear down a sanctuary each and every week. The money which Paul and I gave was God’s already, so giving it up in answer to the call of funding has been more of another bill to me. I just checked it off every month; utilities, rent, school loans, and building fund.

    Even as I was writing prayers for the church which would be sheltered in the sanctuaries walls, I couldn’t quite catch the bug of enthusiasm that was buzzing in the air. It was just a building, just concrete and rebar, and wood. I didn’t understand.

    So now we are back to Sunday morning, when the pieces started to make a bigger picture. Seeing all of the people who have become my spiritual family housed in one sanctuary set the corner edge. Worshiping with our band, and knowing that we could use as many lights and amps as we wanted because it was our stage started forming the border. Our pastors message, reminding the congregation of the many miracles God had done to bring us to this place filled in the outer edges. The quiet whispers of God in my ear, reminding me that while He made me to wander He made others to set down roots and there is purpose in us all, started giving the image pattern.

    But the final piece, the one that makes the whole picture make sense, is a teenager in shabby clothes holding a worn out pillow case. He timidly accepts the piece of candy which I offer him, eyes full of doubt that it might all be a trick. The evening after our first service in our new building, we hosted Trunk or Treat, a free event in which people from our church decorate their cars and hand out candy. We invited our new neighbors to the event, and we had an amazing turn out. It was humbling to watch the reactions of those who didn’t know who we were, these crazy people dressed up in funny outfits with random decorations strewn across our cars. All laughing, all smiling and handing out candy, to the confusing amazement of people who may not receive many maniac acts of kindness like my church doles out.

    Jesus was a wanderer. Often times, it is this fact which reminds me that I am on the right track, that I don’t need a nest or a fox hole, I just need to keep following Jesus. However, much of Jesus’ ministry was dependent on the hospitality of those who put down roots. People who built homes, who stocked their pantries and then offered those homes and pantries up to God. Where would Mary Magdalen be if a pharisee had not opened their home to Jesus? Where would the timid teenager have been Sunday night if we had not built a home for our church?

    I have learned my lesson. I was not made to set down roots, I am like dandelion seeds which sail the wind. However, I know that whenever the air grows still, I have a family of oaks which I can rest under. Thank you for setting down your roots.
    Continuing the adventure, 

    Jess

  • Air

    I have not been feeling well lately, so I haven’t been much for making new things. I thought I would share something I found as I was flipping through my journal. I think this will continue to be the lesson which God has given me, and I wanted to share it with you.

    You once called me Air
    And assured it wasn’t meant as offence
    But I couldn’t help the hurt
    I wanted to be of more substance

    Now I’ve been on this journey
    Ten years of attempts to be profound
    The scenery is looking too familiar
    As I realize I’m at the starting ground

    The things I’ve tried to be
    The costumes I’ve tried to wear
    Are starting to have a comic effect
    I see people begin to stare

    So now I’ve learned my lesson
    It’s best to be my own element
    And if people find me flighty
    Then I should own the testament

    Because trying to wear their expectations
    Like ballast weighs me down
    And I can’t give up this feeling
    That I’m meant for higher ground.

    Continuing the adventure, 

    Jessi