Blog

  • Just a machine…

    Watch, then read.

    I saw this commercial during the Super Bowl on Sunday. I am by no means a football fan. Not that I’m hating, but I just don’t follow it. The Super Bowl is probably the only game I watch during a year and even then I would avoid it if I could. Usually I just wait for the commercials that are suppose to be funny…unlike this one.

    Can I say that I was really upset when I saw it? Someone pointed out to my initial distress, “It’s just a machine”.

    Yeah, it’s just a robot, something the we build for our convenience but what upsets me is the deeper meaning behind it.

    This robot places all of its value on the cars that are around it and when it drops a screw it can find no other happiness and so tries to ‘kill’ itself. Yeah, the character may only be a little yellow robot but the message is meant for the rest of us and that’s where I have a problem. Why is our society okay with advertisers sending a message that declares “If you don’t own/have/look like this product then you might as well kill yourself” over the most watched event in our nations annual calendar? It no wonder as many people struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts in our society, according to the Super Bowl, if you don’t drive a GM you might as well kill yourself. There was so much uproar about a little nipple during the half time show two years ago, yet no one will stop to challenge the advertisers and say it’s wrong to say that killing yourself is okay.  

    Please understand that I’m all about freedom of speech and don’t want to see our society turn into a 1984 nightmare but at the same time I have to quesiton why we as a society don’t take action against the companies that want to spoon feed us messages about how our worth is soley based on what we own, how much we make etc. Its almost as if the Big Brother in America isn’t the government but the large corporations who decide for us what is beautiful, worthwhile or a ‘must have’. It’s the Walmarts, GM’s, Vogues, and as much as it breaks my heart…the Targets….of our society that are controlling our minds and telling us that we have no value unless we have that ‘IT’ item.

    Yeah, its just a machine but there’s a message behind it. So my quesiton is: will you be a tool? 

  • Big Meanie…

    I hate being mean.

    I know what you’re thinking, “Jessica MEAN?”

    Yeah, I’m a big meanie head. You should have seen me as kid. I was mean AND psychotic. I don’t know how my mom made it out alive.

    The thing that really sucks about being mean, is that then I feel sucky. I feel sucky because I know I did something mean and then I try to justify why I was mean because then maybe I won’t feel so bad.

    Nope. Didn’t work.

    I did something really mean this week and I tried to mask it with really religious bull shit like, “it was the truth”, “someone needs to say something”, and my favorite “they won’t grow without intervention”.

    Can I be really real for a moment? I wanted to hurt this person. They hurt me, and worse, they hurt someone I love.  I just wanted to nail ’em one right between the eyes. So I was a meanie head cleverly disguised as truth and humour. The part that is now breaking my heart is that I may have ruined a relationship and the possibility of positively influencing someone for Christ.

    I suck.

    I hate being mean.
    Jesus>

  • Failure is part of learning…

    The good news: nothing other then my ego was hurt.

    The bad news: I am still determined to learn how to ride.

    PS. Turn the volume down, I can’t figure out how to get rid of the annoying buzz.

  • Diligent Parents

    Would you ever save a gift for 20 years so that when you gave it to that person it would have the most impact?

    Mom and DadMy parents did. In 1986 when I was a destructive toddler they bought me a doll kitchen with about a hundred or so pieces all about the sizes of quarters. Instead of giving it to me to thrash, they saved it, hid it away. This year for my 22nd birthday they gave it to me. It is so cool that my parents love me enough to save me a gift until the right time when it would be most valued. And yeah, they look really cool in yellow.

     Itty Bitty Kitchen

  • Postpone Christmas…

    I’m just not ready for it to be Christmas yet. I’ve been draggin my feet because I think I might be able to postpone it, but I should know better, dragging my feet just lets me get caught unprepared. Here are some of my reasons for wanting to postpone Christmas:

    1. It’s stinking 80 degrees outside. I don’t want to listen to songs about a white Christmas when I don’t even have good rainy weather.

    2. This will be the second Christmas with my little brother out of the picture. I miss him so much, I think the greatest gift this year would to be able to see him and have him home for a little while.

    3. I’m not ready for another year of my life to have gone by. It just seems too fast. My birthday is the day after Christmas and it really does mark the years of my life. I feel like this year has flown by….

    But Christmas is coming whether I am ready for it or not…at least I already have the tree up (I’ll put pictures up soon) and my spirits will start to brighten as the presents and cookies roll in (I LOVE PRESENTS!) Just can’t wait for a really good day of rain, and to see my brother this May, I guess I don’t care about the birthday thing so much…I will be only 22 (where were you in ’84?).

    What favorite Christmas memory of yours will help me get out of my December Funk?

  • Where I’m going…

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    So I kinda feel like I have been very surface level lately, not intentionally, well, maybe. Anyways I thought I would give you an update on where God is leading me lately. Not so much physically because I have no clue where I am going with jobs,  school, and other stuff like that. I wanted to share with you what God is teaching me in my heart, what new uncomfortable places he is leading me to.

    I think the first lesson God is trying to teach me is discipline. I suck at it and I have always known I suck at it but it was easy to excuse because I’m artsy, right? Artist aren’t suppose to be disciplined, we are suppose to live on the wind going wherever life takes us. Live in the moment? Fly with inspiration? Right?

    Nope.

    I feel like God is trying to teach me discipline because I’ll never go anywhere if I float in the wind. I’ll be like the plastic bag that flies in circles but never gets anywhere, and frankly, I’m starting to get dizzy. I am also coming to the realization that I can only really LIVE in the moment by living in God. If I live in my emotions I end up in self destructive tunnels, however, if I live in God, in His presence moment by moment, I move forward in freedom.

    Another thing God is trying to teach me, again involving discipline, is how to be a real friend. Another thing I suck at. I am learning that I tend to fake intimacy in relationships. If I tell Jane ‘X’ about me and I tell ‘Y’ about me to Peggy, both feel like we are close friends but neither one really knows me and that keeps me safe. If Jane doesn’t want to be my friend anymore, that’s okay, same goes for Peggy. I think God is trying to teach me that it’s not okay to be best friends with someone for six months and then as soon as they hurt me, stop calling, life gets busy, etc to be okay with not being their friend anymore. I think He is trying to teach me that because that’s how I treat him.

    So those are my two big lesson right now, and they suck, and they’re uncomfortable, but I know I will be better in the end. Everyday I desire more and more to be the person God wants me to be, as scary as that person is to me.

    Thanks for letting me share. So what is God teaching you?  

  • 11:45

    I should go to sleep…

    I have school tomorrow and all the work that goes with it….

    Yet I dream…

    These aren’t the weird during your sleep dreams–I have plenty of those(last night I got kicked out of Pipeline). These dreams are uncertain, and pound through your mind during your waking–and what should be sleeping–hours, full of hopes that could become reality. The dreams of what I could create dance through my head like mystical and elusive sugar plum fairies; but unlike Christmas which has an appointment in my calender the fruition of my dreams do not. I could work so hard and push myself to new limits to MAKE them come true-but what would be the point? Without Jesus none of it matters. I hold so many things dear to my heart and so often he has to remind me that they aren’t really mine. I want only to proceed with his guiding hand, but it is so easy to begin to guide. I pray that God will calm my spirit and teach me the lesson of trust. It is a lesson I have long forgotten.

    So many dreams, so many nights, that may never come true…

    This is what 11:45 is to me…

    The agony…