Where I’m going…

So I kinda feel like I have been very surface level lately, not intentionally, well, maybe. Anyways I thought I would give you an update on where God is leading me lately. Not so much physically because I have no clue where I am going with jobs,  school, and other stuff like that. I wanted to share with you what God is teaching me in my heart, what new uncomfortable places he is leading me to.

I think the first lesson God is trying to teach me is discipline. I suck at it and I have always known I suck at it but it was easy to excuse because I’m artsy, right? Artist aren’t suppose to be disciplined, we are suppose to live on the wind going wherever life takes us. Live in the moment? Fly with inspiration? Right?

Nope.

I feel like God is trying to teach me discipline because I’ll never go anywhere if I float in the wind. I’ll be like the plastic bag that flies in circles but never gets anywhere, and frankly, I’m starting to get dizzy. I am also coming to the realization that I can only really LIVE in the moment by living in God. If I live in my emotions I end up in self destructive tunnels, however, if I live in God, in His presence moment by moment, I move forward in freedom.

Another thing God is trying to teach me, again involving discipline, is how to be a real friend. Another thing I suck at. I am learning that I tend to fake intimacy in relationships. If I tell Jane ‘X’ about me and I tell ‘Y’ about me to Peggy, both feel like we are close friends but neither one really knows me and that keeps me safe. If Jane doesn’t want to be my friend anymore, that’s okay, same goes for Peggy. I think God is trying to teach me that it’s not okay to be best friends with someone for six months and then as soon as they hurt me, stop calling, life gets busy, etc to be okay with not being their friend anymore. I think He is trying to teach me that because that’s how I treat him.

So those are my two big lesson right now, and they suck, and they’re uncomfortable, but I know I will be better in the end. Everyday I desire more and more to be the person God wants me to be, as scary as that person is to me.

Thanks for letting me share. So what is God teaching you?