Jess Boctor

Big Meanie…

Written by

Jess Boctor

in

,

I hate being mean.

I know what you’re thinking, “Jessica MEAN?”

Yeah, I’m a big meanie head. You should have seen me as kid. I was mean AND psychotic. I don’t know how my mom made it out alive.

The thing that really sucks about being mean, is that then I feel sucky. I feel sucky because I know I did something mean and then I try to justify why I was mean because then maybe I won’t feel so bad.

Nope. Didn’t work.

I did something really mean this week and I tried to mask it with really religious bull shit like, “it was the truth”, “someone needs to say something”, and my favorite “they won’t grow without intervention”.

Can I be really real for a moment? I wanted to hurt this person. They hurt me, and worse, they hurt someone I love.  I just wanted to nail ’em one right between the eyes. So I was a meanie head cleverly disguised as truth and humour. The part that is now breaking my heart is that I may have ruined a relationship and the possibility of positively influencing someone for Christ.

I suck.

I hate being mean.
Jesus>

Comments

7 responses to “Big Meanie…”

  1. Devy Avatar
    Devy

    If you recognise that it was “mean”, I think you’re getting the prod to grow. Perhaps with a deep breath and a little courage the situation might not be unfix-able.

    Sweetie, we can all be mean but I think that it’s what we do with the knowledge when we learn that we can be that separates us. I think you’re “set apart”, if you follow me.

    Love and miss you guys.

    Devy

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  2. Big lil Bro Avatar
    Big lil Bro

    so i dont know if you know this, but it totally love you! My lil big sis comin to my defense in a time when i was hurt. if you ever need someones neck broke you know who to call obviously i dont have any problem leavin for cali without tellin anyone 🙂 this last week was the best of probably my entire life. i love you jess! (who woulda thought in high school eh?) cant wait to see you again in may

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  3. PhantomB Avatar
    PhantomB

    Thanks sweetie, you totally brightened my day.

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  4. Sue Avatar
    Sue

    jess, what’d you do in changin’ the blog look? The other one was totally you…personalized and all….we are all always going forward, you are right in not letting anything build up in your life to hold you back…sin can be like plaque in the arteries, it just builds up, silently, slowly til one day…you find you have to get a reeming or die…ok that was weird, I am getting old when I start comparing sin to plague… :/

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  5. PhantomB Avatar
    PhantomB

    I think it’s funny that you use the word “reeming”. My Com Lit prforessor would have a field day with your quote about sin being both plaque and sexual…just teasing sue, thanks for the love. Don’t worry this is just temporary until I have time to customize a new page.

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  6. Sue Avatar
    Sue

    ummmm where was I sexual? splain please….

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  7. Sue Avatar
    Sue

    and remember, you weren’t mean…sarcastic but not mean

    Truth, truth….you can’t handle the truth “A Few Good Men”

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