Feeling again.

There may be some basics that we really can’t overcome; like air. Maybe.

For the most part though, I am completely astounded at human beings ability to convince ourselves that certain necessities are not necessary. That we can turn a blind eye to some essential vacancy in our lives and pretend like we are fully functioning in spite of or without it.

For example, food. Throughout history, there are examples of people who have survived (not thrived or lived, but survived, an important distinction) on the very most basic of foods or the bare minimal. People who have learned to think about something else, to ignore the pain, to forget it is there.

Or physical pain. We all know someone who has ignored the pain until it became unbearable. People who just continue to make their tolerance grow until they can say that it doesn’t matter and they function with it.

The problem is, we are all lying to ourselves. As soon as food is introduced to us again, our bodies recognize the need for it and the hunger returns. When the pain reaches the point of being unbearable, we have must likely done ourselves immense harm. The strangest part is that often, we don’t realize how great the pain was until there is a relief from it. Like a drone in the background it follows us around, our hunger and pain, until we find a source of nutrition or healing.

I was reminded of this today. Jonathan visited me at work, and if you asked anyone who knows me, they would know that I miss my big little brother every day. That I hate the fact that he lives across the country and that I wish he lived closer. They would not necessarily say that it is a huge deal or that I am overly hungry for his company.

It seemed to be a double lesson as I sat and talked with my mom. We reminisced about my grandmother and the lessons that she taught us. We worked out truths about life and internally wished for her advice. As we talked their were certain moments where with both had to hold our upper lips stiff against the acute pain of her absence.

You see, I really do hunger for my brother’s company but I have learned to survive without it. It is only when I have him near and I get to be with him that I realize what I have been missing. I really do live with the pain of my grandmothers absence every day, but it is only when we have moments of healing, when we talk and remember her that I am reminded how great that pain is.

In a sense I have been living numb.

It makes me wonder where else I am numb. What other things have I convinced myself don’t really hurt or I don’t really need? There are a few areas of my life that come to mind right away, that I need to shake and wake back up, to start working through the pins and needles.

What areas of your life are numb?

Continuing the adventure,  

Jess