A Terrified Tease and the Children of Israel

Last week I had a brief chat with Rissa Durham.

She had found a section of PhantomBlonde.com where I have started posting music videos; just not my music videos. She called me a tease.

I sighed, and remembered I’m really just terrified.

I love to sing. I would even venture to boast that I have a decent voice and when I work at it, a good one. Very often though, I don’t work at it, I don’t try, and I definitely don’t share. At church this Sunday, God reminded me of another people who were terrified, you can find their story in Deuteronomy 1:19-34.

In summary, God has lead His people out of Egypt, across the desert and to the doorstep of the Promised Land. The place where He will dwell among them. In order to be prepared, the Israelites sent out 12 spies to check out their enemy’s fortifications. God has commanded the Israelites to go, take possession of the land, and that He will fight for them. Despite this promise and command, the Israelites are terrified:

“Where can we go? Our brothers have made us lose heart. They say, ‘The people are stronger and taller than we are; the cities are large, with walls up to the sky.” Deutronomy 1:28

They did not believe they could overtake their enemies, even though God promised to go with them. They did not trust and because of it, they would not enter the land where God would dwell with them; the land of milk and honey.

Just like I won’t go.

I feel like there have been specific times in my life where I sent spies out in the music realm, I dared a little and each time came back terrified of what I would have to risk, of the obstacles I would have to overcome. Each time I have shied away and banished myself to wandering in the desert rather than relying on the promise God has made that He would go before me.

I don’t believe God has given me any promises that if I just buckel down and work hard enough he will grant me a career in music. To me, this isn’t about that (though I often daydream about that) this is about dwelling in a promise, a place where God dwells with me.

Here is one of my biggest problems, I’ve talked alot about singing, but I don’t think very many people have ever actaully heard me sing. So I downloaded the karoke track to one of my favorite songs, and recorded myself singing it. I know a few of you #everydaymay readers are actually muscians, and you are going to hear every flat note and there is one section where my timing is really off (most likely even the non-musicians will hear it too), and I am quite aware. This is not the debute of a diva, this is a humble offering.

Continuing the adventure,

Jessica

PS Apparently I bounce around alot when I sing.

Miguided Ghosts by Paramore