Blog
-
Fear Setting
My family has some big decisions to make in the near future. In the midst of everything else that is going on in the world at large, these decisions seem both trivial and monumental at the same time. It is a perfect storm that can lead to fear and stagnation.
Part of me is desparate to have the decision made and to be moving forward in a direction that should bring some permenance to our lives. Right now I crave stability, rhythm, and the ability to craft a simplistic lifestyle.
The other part of me wants to make wise decisions and to be steady, patient, and willing to wait for the best. It craves the ability to look back and say without a doubt that we made the right decision.
Fear setting is a concept created by Tim Ferris. I was introduced to it in his book The Four Hour Workweek and again in his Ted talk on the topic. The idea is to list out your fears and what is the worst that could happen. Then, you figure out what you are going to do if that very worst thing happens.
I will be doing this exercise with the decisions we have to make and let you know how it goes.
-
The Art of the Pivot
Today, the green beans and spinach defeated me.
After a long day at work and a quick dinner, I decided to tackle making baby food.
It was my second attempt at something Pinterest assures me is super easy and healthy. Steam, puree, sift. How much trouble can it be?
Hard enough.
As I was standing at the food processor, trying to get my spinach to be something other than water, listening to someone else laugh and play with my boy, the disappointment and sadness began to creep in.
Sad because I wasn’t spending time with my family. Disappointment because I was obviously doing many things wrong — and I don’t like doing things wrong.
That’s when I decided to pivot.
A pivot* isn’t giving up. It’s not throwing in the towel. It not being defeated — even if you have vegetable purée smeared all over yourself.
A pivot is recognizing that the direction you are heading isn’t working as well as you want. A pivot comes out of asking questions like:
- What is time cost associated with this direction? Is it worth it?
- Do I have the tools I need for this?
- Am I getting the results I was hoping for?
- Is there an alternative direction I can go?
Even though it requires changing directions, a pivot will keep you walking towards you goal.
My goal in making food was to try keep Jacob’s diet simple and healthy. However, as I listened to him giggling and laughing with Paul as they got ready for bed, and eventually went to bed, I had to wonder which was the greater cost; using store bought baby food or missing out on time with my son.
After looking through the ingredients in the store bought food, I decided it was worth it to spend more time with Jacob. I could still keep his diet simple and healthy while using the store bought foods.
I also decided the way I was trying to make baby food wasn’t working. So I experimented until I found an easier process (but that’s another post).
Now we have a mix of both. Sometimes I make baby food. When I do, I have the system down to a 20-minute process that I can do while cooking our dinner.
Sometimes Jacob gets Gerber’s or Beach Nut. I stick to simple foods that contain the desired food and water.
Sometimes he gets both. Almost all the time, I get to join in on the laughter and getting ready for bed.
The point of this post isn’t to tell you how to feed your baby. It’s to share that it is okay to change directions when you need to.
*The concept of the pivot was introduced to me in the book Lean Startup by Eric Ries
-
The Journey Begins
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter.
Izaak Walton
June 2019 At the waters edge in Nassau, Bahamas. Felt lucky I could still see my feet at 7 months pregnant. -
We’re All Kaleidoscopes
I have the privileged of hanging out with Middle and High School students each week. It is a great experience because they keep me honest about how cool I really am (what exactly is Vine?) and somehow always confuse me for a student in their ranks (yay for adult acne!)
Last week, I was talking with a Junior student who was sharing about how she wasn’t sure how to prepare for next year. The beautiful and terrifying last year of High School. Upon completing this sacred American rite of passage, students are deemed adults. Our culture, and very often the students themselves, expect a stroll across a stage to suddenly cement their identity and the path for the rest of their lives.
I found myself asking questions about what she wanted to after High School and what career she wanted to pursue. When I started to ask why, she started throwing out words like “prove myself” and “start a career”. As we talked, I asked if the career choices she was intending to make would be things she would really enjoy. If she had taken time to consider what she really wants to do. She wavered momentarily, “No, I would really like to do…”.
Inside, I smiled the painful smile of recognition. Of burying deep down what you want to do for what you should do, for making plans on having to carve out a space which claims “This is me and I have value!” I recognize the desperate need to have a plan, to have it all together and sorted out. Life, however, laughs at our plans. No matter how much space I tried to carve out; a volunteer position, an art studio, a foreign city, it was never enough to prove my worth to the world. How many times did my plans change because I thought, “If I accomplish this-or I go over there-THEN they will love me.” How many times has realty taken a swing through my carefully notated and graphed plans? How different is my life from what I thought it would be when I graduated? The answer to these questions is a million, more than I like to count, and drastically, respectively.
I am so thankful for it, too.
As I have fought the good fight of learning to love myself, to like the quirky, flawed, and loud mouthed introvert that I am, I have learned that there are some deep and essential things which will always stay the same. I will always devour a good story in as little time as possible. I will always want to sing, dance, tell stories, and look for the connections in unexpected places. I will never be a very good judge of character. And at every party, you will always find me with food in my mouth so I don’t have to talk to strangers. Unless there is dancing, ’cause then I will be shaking my booty.
So how do we meld together the constantly changing circumstances and roles we find ourselves in with the core pieces of who we are? This is the thought that dawned on me last week: we are all kaleidoscopes. We all have bits of color, glass shapes, beads or bobbles which are our core. However, as we go through life, these core pieces are constantly moving. The light is always filtering through them in new ways. The pieces make up new designs, they adapt to change and movement. In this way, we are continuous and continuously changing at the same time.
As I finished my conversation, I was glad to know that, most likely, this students life is not going to end at all how she thinks it will. If she can discover her core pieces and appreciate the changes of pace, it will be better. So here’s to the next design.
Continuing the adventure,
Jess
-
Photography Play Date: Love Wins
If you are in the Southern California area and are interested in finding out more about Photography Play Dates, fill out the form below.
